As a child, I romanticized adulthood. I was convinced that my life would morph into the perfect, whimsical life I always fantasized. And I was certain all of my dreams would come true by the age of twenty-five. Truth be told, I’ve been indecisive my whole life, so I probably lacked the planning required to achieve anything too extravagant. However, I did have some expectations for my future. I used to dream that I’d travel the world, have an amazing career, and drive a luxury car – you know, something chic but not too flashy. I also dreamed that I’d have a beautiful home. And, while I’ve never dreamed of a wedding, I did dream about falling in love. Did I have specific details? No. Did I have an action plan? Of course not, but I was still convinced that it would happen.
That hasn’t been my reality, though. At 30-something, I find myself in this seemingly never-ending battle between achieving old dreams and growing content with the life that is actually happening right now. Am I where I thought I would be at this point in my life? No. Am I happy with my life anyway? Absolutely. I’ve only taken a few trips, so I’m not exactly a world traveler yet. My career is completely different from anything I imagined, but I enjoy it. Also, my sedan and my apartment don’t exactly scream “rich and fabulous.” Still, what I have brings me so much comfort, ease, and joy anyway.
And then there’s the love stuff. First of all, I blame Disney and 90’s romcoms for hyping me up back in the day. I’ve never experienced a relationship that looked like a fairytale. Never! A drama? Yes. But a fairytale? Absolutely not. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve experienced love – good love, bad love, indifferent love. And, whether I like it or not, each have helped mold the way I choose to give and receive love. Sure, it’s never been picture perfect. Still, I’m incredibly happy.
I don’t have what I always thought I wanted, but this is the most content I’ve ever been in my life. I guess my goal now is to not become too comfortable. I want to continue growing. Simply put, I had always dreamed of a comfortable, cozy life with enough wiggle room for more possibilities. And while my life doesn’t mirror my childhood dreams at first glance, I still have a comfortable, cozy life with enough wiggle room for more possibilities – I just don’t have all the extra bells and whistles on it yet. Not yet. And that’s okay.
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